JOHN STEVENS. princess puffy*

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

+ +

YO YO YO MY NAME IS JOHN STEVENS AND I HAVE TRANSFERRED FROM COUNTRY MUSIC TO RAP YEAH!

I AM ALSO CONSIDERING A CAREER IN CHIENSE MUSIC. I CAN SING STUFF LIKE,

CHIA ERN NI YOU WO DE AI
TEDDY KAN QI LAI XIANG SAI

I AM TYPING BIG BIG CAUSE ACCORDING TO MY PSYCHIATRIST I HAVE INSECURITIES. YOU KNOW CAUSE OF LOSING CE TO WILLIAM HUNG AND JASMINE TRIAS SMACKING ME FOR PRAISING HER EARS AND GETTING DUMPED BY A LIVING MOP AND ALL.

I MEAN ANYONE WOULD FEEL INSECURE IF THEY WEREN'T LOVED BY A PIECE OF ROTTING WOOD WITH GREY HAIR. THE MOP, I MEAN.

AND MY LIFE IS SCREWED, THE PEACE MOPS STILL THINK I AM DERANGED BECAUSE I STOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD ON A CHAIR WITH MY TEDDY ON MY HEAD FARTING. AND I USED THE CHAIR TO CHASE AFTER TAUFIK & CML.

SO I WILL CHANGE TO CHINESE MUSIC.

WO ZHAN ZAI ROAD LI
YOU HEN DUO CHE
CHE NEARLY BANG WO
WO ALMOST CRY NEH

I HAVE TO GO NOW. I AM MEETING A SKUNK FOR A BLIND DATE. SKUNKS ARE SO SEXY. BUT NOT AS SEXY AS MY CE. OH WHY OH WHY CE! WILLIAM HUNG WEARS TOGAS! I WEAR MINISKIRTS! HIS FASHION SENSE SUCKS!

OFF NOW TO FULFILL MY LIFELONG DREAM OF BEING A CHICKEN (AND TO MEET A SKUNK),
JOHN PEEVENS
THE COOLIO CHINESE MUSIC STAR
WO DE TIAN KONG XING XING DOU LIANG LE BA

Mopman @ 3:20 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

+ +

HELLO, I SAW THE SUCKERS ADDICTED BLOG. THERE WAS A PICTURE OF ME THERE, AND, AS USUAL, I LOOKED REALLY STUPID.

I AM NOT PHOTOGENIC AT ALL.

THERE WAS ALSO A PHOTO OF ME AS A GANSTER. I WONDER HOW THEY GOT HOLD OF THAT PHOTO. I NORMALLY KEEP IT IN MY MOUTH. I CHEW ON IT ALL DAY LONG.

BUT THEN MY MOM SAID MY MOUTH HAS A HOLE BECAUSE WHENEVER I EAT FOOD, FOOD DROPS OUT. MAYBE THE PICTURE DROPPED OUT TOO :
THAT IS RATHER SAD.

TOP TEN QUESTINONS OF TODAY

ARE CHIA ERN AND I ARE DIVORCED ?

WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER?

WHY IS MY HAIR RED?

DO PEOPLE WITH RED HAIR HAVE A TENDENCY OF SUCKING THEIR THUMBS? (I DO)

AM I INFERIOR TO EVERYONE? (YES)

WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL HAPPY, LIKE A FREAK? (NOT MY FAULT)

WHY CAN'T I EVER LOOK NICE IN PHOTOS?

WHY DOES THE GLASS BREAK WHENEVER I SING? (MYSTERY OF LIFE)

DOES MOPUMAN LIKE ME? (NO)

WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPITALS? (I'M A DUMBASS, THAT'S WHY)

Mopman @ 12:35 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Monday, July 11, 2005

+ HEY ! +

HEY EVERYONE! JOHN STEVIES (THAT'S ME!) AND MY UNDERWEAR (THAT'S ME TOO!) AND MY THONGS (THT ME THREE!) AND MY MOPS (OHH! MY MOPS!) ARE BACK IN ACTION..!!!MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - POSSIBLE! Im soo happy!

Until for now, that is... ... ...Last midnight... I was walkin along timbuctoo when suddenly... ... there were this magical and mysetrious... flash light flickering... ... ..and BOOM!.. BLACK OUT!!... ...Just then.. these mops came singing and dancing right in front of me. they were singing my all-time favourite song!! *SQUEALS* u know what song that is?! It was... .. ... *about to go breathless* "A-B-C-D.... "!!After all that episode of joy... .. i soon found out that... ... i was.......................................... was............................... was................................. was.........................................

-to be continued-

Mopman @ 3:34 PM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

+ +

MY BLOG IS DEAD. WHY, OH WHY?

Please blog, don't be dead
I'm sorry for all the hurtful things I said
I know I was wrong
I got a little stupid after whacking my head on a gong

Yesterday, I travelled to your grave
I lifted a hand and tried to wave
I felt so stupid, waving to nobody
Then I saw a chicken and got flirty

(ME: Hey, HEN...
HEN: SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
ME: AHHH, BESSY! What a nice name! *bats eyelashes*
BESSY: SQUAWK!
ME: Oh, Bessy, you flatter me...
BESSY: SQUAWK!
ME: Bes-sy, ai-ee...
BESSY: SQUAWK! SOD OFF YOU OLD CREEP!
ME: Thank you! Le's get together!
BESSY: Okay!)

Now I'm married to Betsy the Hen
Even though I promised to marry you then
I know Ive been a lousy friend
But I really don't want this relationship to end

Anyhow, blog, I'll miss you
You and all the things we used to do
I regret not being there for you

As I'm sitting here, a tear is rolling down my cheek
I hate myself for being so weak
Blog, guess I'm not man enough
To handle serious relationships or be tough

The flowers you gave me, the poems you wrote
The things you understood, when I never even spoke
I miss you so much, it's hard to get through this grief
It's like how Britney misses lipstick or McDonald's misses beef

BLOG OH BLOG!!! WHY??? *bursts into tears and gets down on knees* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I CRYING OVER AN INTERNET WEBSITE? I DON'T KNOW! I'M ABNORMAL AND WEIRD, OKAY???

Love,
Johnny!

Mopman @ 7:15 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

+ DEAD +

Mopman @ 6:45 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

+ Pee Wee +

Lookie..
I got this bookie,
From chimpy's drawy,
Which contains lots of jokies,
On my moppies,
With my teddies,
And PINK undies,
So I opened its PINK pagies,
And I read the jokies,
And felt so so happies,
'Cos this joke was so funny...

So, the joke goes like this:

Once upon a time, there lived a handsome young man called JOHN STEVENS.He lived in his pink cottage with his wife chimpy,who was mopping the floor which was pink,while he painted his nails bright pink, dyed his hair pink, and sewed HELLO KITTY pics on his undies...

PEACE CORPS PERSON: I AM SO SORRY. THAT WAS JOHN STEVENS TYPING OUT HIS STUPID ENTRY ON HIS STUPID UNDERWEAR WITH HELLO KITTY PICS... ERM, NEVER MIND.

*clears throat*

Back again..

Long ago,there were three men.
First man: GEORGE BUSH
Second man: MOPUMAN (well, er... not exactly a man)
Third man: JOHN STEVENS

They were marooned on an island with a crazy genie called Genin. Genin was all GREEN. He looked rather like the Aladdin Genie. And of course, seeing this, the moronic John Stevens shouted,' LOOK! THERE'S THE ALADDIN GENIE!' Genin glared. If there was onme thing she hated, it was being called Aladdin's sidekick. And of course... John STevens shouted,' AREN'T YOU ALADDIN'S SIDEKICK?' Genin got even angrier. If there was anything she hated, it was being called a Giant cluod of air. And of course... John Stevens shouted,' YOU LOOK LIKE A CLOUD OF AIR!' AND A GIANT ONE TOO!' Genin glared even more. Her eyes were so narrowed, she looked normal, because she had no eyes in real life. (HAHAHA!) She screamed, and, with a wave of her wand, she shouted... 'ABRACADABRADA!' And... NOTHIGN HAPPENED. Genin looked embarrassed. 'Sorry,' she muttered. 'Extra two letters at the end. Sorry. Sorry.' She shouted again,' ABRACADABRA! Hahah! I shall turned you into a pig!' And hey, presto, John Stevens...

LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME!!!

Hi Diary,

I don't really know what that joke means, so blah. But it has my name! I found it on the internet. I think it was at http://www.piglookalikes.com. YEAH! I AM FAMOUS!

Oh, and MOPAWAY topped the charts again! YEAH! Please go to my album blog to read the happenings on my album!
Love,

John-Jhang.

Mopman @ 5:44 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

+ CHART TOPPERS! +

I HAVE A CHART TOPPER! MY FIRST SINGLE 'PEE' TOPPED THE CHARTS LIKE CRAZY! IT WAS ALL OVER THE WORLD HOW GREAT I AM!!!

PEE (remake of hilary duff's FLY.)
Chorus Lyric Sample: PEE! OPEN UP THE PART OF YOU THAT WANTS TO FLUSH AWAY! YOU CAN! PEE! FORGET ABOUT THE CONSTIPATED PARTS IN LIFE! AND START TO PEE! COS IT'S YOUR TIME! TIME TO PEE!

YEAH! I AM PEE MAN! Er, I mean Mopman.

My music video was about me standing on a chair shouting 'IS THERE A TOILET NEARBY!?!?!?' and passerbys were looking at me like I was crazy, then I shouted,' HAHA! JUST KIDDING!' and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laugh and-

*manager cuts in* MANAGER: I think you get his point.

*john shoves manager out of the window* Anyway, my next single shall be 'MOPAWAY', by kelly clarson. It's a remake of her BREAKAWAY. Personally, I think MOPAWAY is more soulful. More detailed. (SCROLL FOR FULL ALBUM DETAILS AND SONGS) More... SOUL-BOO-BOO!

Oh, and could TAUFIK AND CML STOP HACKING INTO MY ACC. THROUGH THE PEACE CORPS MAIN COMPUTER, PLEASE? It is very disturbing. DISTURBING!!! And this weird girl called Claire keeps on storming up to me on the streets, demanding I owe her CML's love. I think she is weird. Because CML has no love. But then why would she love him?!?

*turns to wise old random person* HOW COULD SHE LOVE CML IF HE HAS NO LOVE?

WORP: Ah, young man, one does not question affairs of the heart.

Just like my letter to CE, and her response! Look:

DEAR STUPID JOHN STEVENS,
Please leave me in peace. I merely wish to spend my old age in quiet comfort. I do not think I am being unreasonable.

COME TO YOUR DOOR WITH AN AXE, FOR GOD'S SAKE! JUST SHUT UP! STOP PESTERING ME WITH ALL THESE STUPID LETTERS AND STINKY FLOWERS THAT SPRAY WATER! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! FLOWERS THAT DON'T SPRAY WATER WON'T DO EITHER!

HATING YOU AS ALWAYS,
CE.

I cried after reading that. I played Grumpy in SNOW WHITE! What more does a girl want out of a guy than to see him in a movie with lots of wrinkles at the age of 72? WHAT IS SO SAD ABOUT THAT?

Nevermind. I am off to pee now. Please visit and link:
, who is natalie the queen's chinese teacher. The hated one. Goodbye.

Mopman @ 5:41 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

+ John Peevens +

Look, this is roughtly what my album looks like:

JOHN PEEVENS

MY PINK THONGS (WARNING: BAD, BAD, BAD COVER TITLE! PARENTAL ADVICE!)

PICTURE OF ME STANDING ON A CHAIR IN A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO LOOK TALLER WITH MY TEDDY ON MY HEAD. TEDDY IS FARTING.

AMERICAN IDOL 6TH RUNNER UP'S ALBUM!

And that is what it looks like. I must admit I'm rather happy with it! I LOVE MY ALBUM! And these are the songs:

1. TEDDY AND ME (remake of hanson's PENNY AND ME )
Chorus Lyric Sample: TEDDY AND ME LIKE TO ROLL THE WINDOWS DOWN! TEDDY AND ME LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THE GROUND! TEDDY AND ME LIKE TO CHOMP THE SMELLY GRASS! TEDDY AND ME LIKE TO BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-RASS!)

2. PEE (remake of hilary duff's FLY.
Chorus Lyric Sample: PEE! OPEN UP THE PART OF YOU THAT WANTS TO FLUSH AWAY! YOU CAN! PEE! FORGET ABOUT THE CONSTIPATED PARTS IN LIFE! AND START TO PEE! COS IT'S YOUR TIME! TIME TO PEE!

3. MOPAWAY (remake of kelly clarkson's BREAKAWAY)
Chorus Lyric Sample: I'LL MOP AND MOP TILL I GET THE FLOOR CLEAN! I'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TILL IT SHINES AND GLEAMS! I'LL! SCRUB AND SCRUB! WIPE AND WIPE! DRY AND DRY! AND MOPAWAY!

4. LIARS (remake of lindsay lohan's RUMORS)
Chorus Lyric Sample: PEOPLE LIE AND LIE SO MUCH! THEY ALL HAVE SUCH GREAT BIG FARTS! THEY SAY I HATE TO PEE AND HATE TO MOP AND GO AND SHE SHE! WHY CAN'T THEY SHUT UP BLAH BLAH? I HATE THEIR STINKY BUTTS! THEIR EARLOBES SUCK SO MUCH TOO THEY ARE BIG FAT LOSERFIED PUGS!

5. LALALEE (remake of maroon 5's THIS LOVE)
Chorus Lyric Sample: LA! LA! LEE! I LOVE! TO PEE! AND WEE! TEDDEE! AND MEE! TOGETHER WITH A BEE! WE ARE THE PEE PEE MORONS! IN TOWN! AND I SHALL! NOT REST! TILL I GET MY PEE DOWN!

6. LIVING MOPS (remake of westlife's UPTOWN GIRL)
Verse Lyric Sample (no Chorus!) LIVING MOPS! THEY ARE SO FUNNY WITH BIG BUTTOCKS! I'D LIKE TO WHACK THEM TILL THEY FART AND FART! FARTING LOUDLY IS GREAT FORM OF ART! LIKE THROWING DARTS!

7. MOPUMAN IS SHIT (remake of simple plan's WELCOME TO MY LIFE)
Chorus Lyric Sample: MOPUMAN! IS SO FAT! LIKE HER STUPID GINGER CAT! SHE IS POO! I SHOULD SHOO! HER AWAY FROM THE BIG ZOO! SHE'S A FATTY BOM-BOM DUMB FATHEAD! AND PEOPLE ALL DON'T LIKE HER! SHE IS DUMB AND HAS NO WIT... MOPUMAN IS SHIT!

8. POO (remake of mcfly's OBVIOUSLY)
Chorus Lyric Sample: TEDDEE AND ME! WE BOTH LOVE TO POO! WE BOTH LIKE TO WEE! AND ASK OURSELVES 'WHO!?'! AND POO IS SMELLY WELLY BELLY BLAH BLAH BLAH!

9. CE (remake of barry manilow's MANDY)
Chorus Lyric Sample: OH CE! WHEN YOU KISSED ME I SWEATED AND PEE-PEED! AND I REALLY WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU! BOOHOOHOO! OH IT'S TRUE! LALALEELEE! OH CE! CE! CE! I LOVE THEE!

THE END!

Yeah! I adore my album! Well, out to see how my record sales are then, bye!

Mopman @ 5:20 AM

fly to timbuctoo for a magic day getaway with JOHN!